


To Save My Life

by Letssurvive



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cursed Reader, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Loss Of Movement, Loss of Virginity, Multi, Other, Paralyzed Reader, Possible Character Death, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Sam Fucks up, Scared Dean Winchester, Scared Sam Winchester, Virgin Reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-09-29 14:28:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17205101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Letssurvive/pseuds/Letssurvive
Summary: You hunt with the Winchesters and have for years, but what happens when you are hit with a spell and don't tell them about it. Can they save you or will you be lost to them forever?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work on this site, let me know if you guys like it or if there is any mistakes. Enjoy reading!

The day had been great and full of laughs despite the sadness that had been in the air since Sam decided to leave along with a few choice words directed at both Dean and you. It had been harder on Dean then he was letting show, something you could tell from a mile away having hunted with the brothers for so long together, so you were trying to make up for it as best as you could. But no matter how much you smiled and laughed you felt more scared as the day went by.  


About three months ago a witch hunt went bad and you had jumped in front of the spell that had been directed at the boys, something both brothers scolded you endlessly for doing. It had been an unfortunate event but you would have done it no matter what, you cared for them both too much to let them be affected by such a spell. It was easier for you to take then them after all.  


“Hey, (N/N),” Dean startled you out of your thoughts, turning and raising a questioning eyebrow as you did. “Lost in dream land there?” He laughed, the smile reaching his eyes as he did.  


“Shut up,” You laughed back, swatting his arm. “I was just thinking, something you should do a lot more of.” I laughed at the fake look of hurt that washed over his face as he raised a hand up to his chest.  


“Ouch, and here I thought you cared for me.” We laughed as he turned his attention back to the road as we continued to chuckle.  


We spent the day doing all the things you knew Dean liked, going to shitty drive ins and dinners and ordering pies and all the food you probably shouldn’t have eaten. It had been a quite couple of days with no monsters killing people and it gave you both a much needed break and the time to relax and enjoy each other’s company. You saw it as both a blessing and a curse because when the sun comes up tomorrow and you would be in a coma that you would probably never wake from, and that was going to kill Dean and Sam more than you would like to admit, especially with the apocalypse coming around the corner.  


A sad smile crept on your face as you turned to look out the car window, watching the scenery as the car sped by. The thought had been more and more present in your brain as this day got closer and closer, but there was nothing you could do. In secret you had searched every lore book you could find and gone over hundreds of sites but you were only left with the little information you had before the boys put a bullet in between her eyes. There was one option you had thought about but never got the courage to discover and that was asking Castiel for help but the angel intimidated you a little too much to even talk to him let alone ask him for help.  


A sigh left your lips as you watched the sun set, throwing colours across the sky as it did. You had always loved sunsets and this one was going to be your last. Looking down at your phone quickly you saw there still was no messages from Sam, there hadn’t been since he left and it was hard to let it go.  


“So,” Dean broke the silence again and you looked over. “There’s a little town up here, has a great bar by this old motel, I figured we can stop there for the night. What do you think?” Dean looked over hopeful and a smile spread on your lips.  


“Sounds good to me, order some pizza and maybe watch a movie with a couple of beers.” You suggested as he turned back to the road and shook his head.  


“That sounds awesome, just as long as there’s no chick flics.”  


“No I was thinking of a western maybe.” The smile got wider on his face and you knew he liked that idea.  


“This is really going to be one hell of a night.”  


The sad smile was back and you looked out the window again. He was going to enjoy tonight a lot but in the morning you could already hear the plea’s and questions leaving his lips when he would find you. You had to stay strong though because your only other option was going to be far too cruel to your heart.  


* * *

You couldn’t tell if you were happy or sad with the new situation you had to face. The motel was busier than anything you could have anticipated, something about a festival being held in the small town, and that left only a few rooms available. And they were all single bed rooms with nothing but a small kitchenette and a bed. Sure you had shared beds with both of the brothers, you had to with most of the hunts you had been on but with the spell coming to the end you didn’t know how it was going to happen and you had planned on silently crying yourself to sleep eventually. A task that would be significantly stronger now you were going to be sharing a bed with the Winchester who woke up at the drop of a pin and sometimes knew you better than you knew yourself.  


“Which side do you want?” Dean snapped you out of your thoughts once again and you shrugged.  


“I’m fine with either of them.” You answered and he looked at you, his face becoming more serious as he did.  


“Are you ok?” he asked and you nodded your head quickly before he frowned a bit. “(Y/n), you’ve been spacing out a lot today, more so than you usually do.” You sighed and smiled at him.  


“There’s nothing wrong De,” you re assured plopping your stuff down on your side of the bed. “Just a little spacey today is all.” He shook his head before he let out his own sigh.  


“Fine,” He looked at you and smirked slightly. “How about we order that pizza?” A large grin broke out over your face as you nodded, tilting your head as he grabbed his coat.  


“I’ll go grab pizza and beer, you look to see if you can find anything good on tv. I’ll be back soon.” He waved as he closed the door and the smile dropped.  
“Why do you have to be so damn observant?” You whispered and pulled your laptop out of your bag.  


You wanted to check you had everything in order for tomorrow, an email would be sent to Bobby (not like he ever checked it) that was basically your will, and two messages would be sent to Sam and Dean tomorrow morning explaining everything to them. It was cowardly but the only way you could do it now with how close to death you were, but you worried for Dean more than you worried for Sam.  


When Sam left Dean and you fought with him to try and change his mind and when Dean backed down you stepped up even more, and then Sam snapped on you. You really didn’t want to take it to heart but it was difficult to not let it get to you. He started saying you weighed them down and made more work for them, he insulted your skills as a hunter and among other things but what had hurt you the most was when he asked why it wasn’t you Azazel had gone after instead of Jess. It was then Dean had stepped in and the fight had gotten worse before Sam had turned to you and said something you had never expected to hear from such a close friend. He said he wished you were dead instead of Jess, it had cut deep and you had seen the look of regret that had gone over his face before it hardened and you walked away as Dean yelled at him. You knew he didn’t mean what he said but the fact remained that he said it.  


The worst part was that you had decided you were going to open up to him about the spell and talk about it, but after that you gave up on trying to find a way out. It wore you down and you couldn’t bear to be a burden to them anymore regardless of how much Dean tried to tell you it wasn’t true. It was going to be hard on them for a bit but eventually they would be fine again. You only hoped Dean wouldn’t try to bring you back again and would follow your wishes in the message sent to him.  


* * *

The pizza had been good and you were sat up on the bed curled into Dean’s side as you watched the western Dean had found on tv, sipping your beer every now and again. It was comfortable and a normal thing for you to do with the elder Winchester with your life on the road, the only thing missing from a typical trip was Sam on the other side of you. Frown made its way to your face at the thought and you took another sip of beer to get rid of it and before long the credits were playing and you sat up stretching your arms before Dean got up and went to the bathroom. You made sure the smile was back on your face when he came back but it dropped as he grabbed his jacket.  


“What are you doing?” you asked tilting your head and he gave you a smirk.  


“I was thinking of hitting the bar,” he spoke as he slid his arms into the jacket. “Don’t worry about waiting up for me, I might not be back till tomorrow morning if I’m lucky.” He winked and you gave a small smile to him.  


“Alright, just don’t do anything too crazy.” He smirked again before grabbing his keys.  


“When don’t I?” he laughed and you waved as he walked out the door and before long you hear the rumble from the impala as he left you alone.  


It was a regular thing for Dean to leave and go pick up girls, but tonight it was different and he left you to your own thoughts and you were once again in a dilemma. On one hand you were happy because you could let yourself drift off without having to worry about Dean knowing but on the other you were scared and didn’t want to go through this alone and wanted to be selfish and relish in his comfort.  


It was scary being left alone finally in your thoughts with the inevitable soon to come and you couldn’t help the fear that rose in into a greater being as you sat on the bed and tears began to fall. You were mad and scared, mad at the witch for curing you to this fate and scared for what was going to happen. Death was a given in this line of work but you always saw yourself going down in the fight, not alone in a motel room. You were mad because you were going to miss so much, and you wanted to spend more time with the people you cared for, and before you knew it or could control it the silent tears had turned into violent sobs. It was then you made a decision, no matter how much you talked yourself into it you did not want to be alone and you quickly called Dean. Your hand shaking as you dialed the number crying more as it rang.  


“ _Hey, (N/N). What’s up? _” Dean answered quickly and you let out a sob that caught his attention.  
__

____

“Dean, I…” you trailed off and shook your head as another sob tore through your throat.  


“ _(Y/n), what’s happening?_ ” His voice got serious, changing from the casual tone it had been. “ _What’s wrong?_ "  


_____ _

“I- I need you here Dean. I- I just-“ another sob broke through and you could hear the tires squealing in the back ground along with a curse from Dean.  


“ _Hey, I’m coming sweetheart,_ ” Dean spoke quickly and you could hear the worry in his voice. “ _It’s going to be ok._ ” He consoled and you smiled through the tears and shook your head.  


_____ _

____

“I- I’m scared De.” You used his nickname and closed your eyes as your lip wobbled.  


“ _Hey, it’s going to be alright I’m almost back sweetheart, and it’s all going to be ok. _” You heard the rumble of the impala outside the building as Dean hung up the phone and a sob escaped you again.  
__

____

____

Dean burst into the room shortly after, a hard look on his face and gun drawn as he looked around the room quickly and you realized he thought something was there to hurt you instead of it just being your own thoughts. His eyes landed on you in your state, eyes red and tears running down your face, confusion was on his face quickly before you launched yourself at him and buried your face in his chest. Dean gathered you in his arms, picking you up and moving to sit on the bed after he closed the door and set the gun on the nightstand beside the bed. You clutched at him sobbing and shaking while he held you tightly on his lap and whispered soothing words to calm you down. The two of you sat there like that for a while before you could finally pull away and wipe your eyes as you stayed sat in place.  


“What happened?” he asked and you avoided his eyes and rested your forehead on his shoulder.  


“I- I got scared and didn’t want to die alone,” you spoke into his shoulder and brought a hand up to the side of your face, gently pulling it away so he could look into your eyes. “I don’t want to be alone De.”  


“What do you mean die?” he asked and tears spilling over your eyes again as you looked at his worried ones.  


“The witch,” You huffed sadly, nuzzling your head into his hand and closing your eyes. “She, she cursed me and I’m- I’m going to die tonight De,” a sob broke through. “Dean I- I don’t want to die.” You cried and he pulled you into him, stroking your head and whispering quietly to calm you down as you buried your face into his neck, the shirt becoming wet with your tears.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flash back to how you managed to get into your life and death struggle.

_Three months earlier ___

* * *

“Are you sure it’s a witch?” You asked, the case you and the boys had been working on was a weird one. People had been going around and dropping dead after one night stands and the only thing the coroners had found was a weird symbol on the body’s and that their hearts had stopped after they had finished the act. “There has to be something else going on, this seems weird even for a witch.”

“It’s the only thing I can think of that would be connected to the symbol. Besides there’s no lore on anything that kills someone after they have sex.” Sam spoke looking at you from over his laptop and Dean laughed causing you both to look over at the elder brother.

“It’s a good way to go though, have some fun and then you pass out. What an ending.” Dean chuckled taking a swig of beer as you and Sam rolled your eyes before turning back to the case.

“People are still dying Dean.” Sam shook his head and sighed at the elder brothers antics.

It had been surprisingly calm since Lucifer was out of the cage but that didn’t stop monsters from going around and killing people, besides it had been a good distraction from the turn of recent events. It just had to be a case that involved sex. A subject Dean was way too into and you had been more shy about, sadly the boys just didn’t know why. 

The three of you had been friends for years, Bobby having rescued you from a wendigo that killed the rest of your family and took you in as his own, and grew up together when John left the boys at Bobby’s. You had a lifelong friendship with the boys despite being three years younger than Sam they both respected you and looked to you in whenever they needed someone to talk to. You were their rock for a lot of situations and that had put a huge target on your back whenever a big bad decided to get to them. But the boys were always there for you when that happened and delivered more damage that way. You spent more time on the road with them than you did back home and you wouldn’t want it any other way, sometimes that meant putting other things aside such as relationships and getting to know other people.

You tended to be a shy girl when you weren’t behind the barrel of a gun or had a blade in your hand, that and the fact two huge men seemed to follow you around really killed any chance at finding a date. There was also the one time you had managed to get a date while in high school, it was going well until Dean had drove into town and seen you in the dinner. Dean had come in and introduced himself to the guy who had run away after catching a glimpse of the older man and your interaction with him. That had been the most of your dating life and anytime you would start to hit it off with someone or if someone got a little handsy on a case the Winchesters would be there in a second and scare them away. Sometimes it aggravated you but most of the time you were happy because of it. You cared about Sam and Dean a lot and would do anything for them, so moments like that showed you they cared and you could leave it at that. Besides most of the men who did try and get into your pants were usually creeps or guys who had drank way too much before coming over to you and not taking no for an answer. So that had left you the shy little virgin that followed them around like a lost puppy while they were essentially sex gods on earth so the case had you worried for both of their safety, especially since Dean had a habit of leaving the bar with women all the time, but he had luckily decided against that this time around.

“I know Sammy, I was just making a joke.” Dean countered and you shook your head.

“Well then you two keep looking into this witch,” You got up from the table and walked to Dean, snatching the keys from his shirt pocket before grabbing your own coat. “I’m going to go get some more beer and maybe stop for some food, you guys want anything?” You asked before Dean grabbed your arm and took the keys from you causing you to pout playfully at the scowl on his face.

“Not with my Baby you aren’t,” he growled before smiling and ruffling your hair. “Some pie would be nice.” You rolled your eyes before looking over at Sam who shook his head.

“I’m good, just be careful out there ok.” Sam gave a little smile.

“Ok, Dad,” you laughed opening the door and turning back to them. “I won’t be gone too long, just call me if you think of anything we need.” You closed the door and made my way towards the road, but sadly you never made it to the store.

* * *

You woke up to a pounding in your head and a pain in your neck from the way in which it was hanging, you tried to recall what had happened but could only remember walking when all of the sudden things just went black. You went to move your hands to sooth the ache only to find them tied to the chair you were sitting in as your eyes burst open. This wasn’t the first time you had wound up in this situation and you were sure it was far from the last given your line of work. Looking around you found nothing that peaked your interest in the seemingly abandoned warehouse as you tried to break free from the ropes that tied you down to the chair, failing to escape you let out a huff. You had no clue how long you had been gone and if Sam and Dean had started to look for you yet, so all you could do was wait and hope for the best when the doors opened and in strolled a woman you recognized from the bar the victims had been last seen.

“I knew you guys weren’t feds,” she sighed walking over to you as you struggled with the ropes again. “You guys are hunters aren’t you?” she raised an eyebrow and laughed as you struggled more. “Calm down _sweetie,_ you aren’t going anywhere unless I want you too.”

“What do you want?” you growled as you gave up on trying to free yourself and she laughed again.

“Just for your other companions to come and get you, I have to say those two really do look good,” she sighed standing in front of you now. “Don’t worry I’m not interested in hurting you, I just need you to lure those guys out here.” That caused you to raise an eyebrow as she leaned back against a post.

“Why do you want them?” You questioned hoping to keep her occupied with you in case the boys did come.

“Well first I’m sure they want to kill me and I can’t just let that happen,” She smiled at you before getting up and walking in front of you again. “And I’ve been having too much fun getting rid of all the horrible two timing men in this town. I’ve seen men come into that bar each week and take home someone different each time,” she bent down and cupped the side of your face with her hand, holding on to your hair when you tried to move away. “Most men see us women as something they can use, that includes your companions as well, I’m just weeding them out. Getting rid of the trash if you will.” She let you go and took a step back watching you as she did.

“So what? You are still killing people.” You countered and she shook her head.

“No I’m not killing them, they are doing it to themselves,” she sighed. “Each of them knew if they had sex again they would die, I told them myself, it’s not my fault they didn’t listen to me.”

“But you still put a spell on them.”

“I did, but I did nothing to make them do anything they didn’t want too.” She smiled again and you shook your head.

“So what? You some feminazi that’s killing people off.” She turned around and started to walk away.

“If that’s how you see it I can’t change your mind, but those two you are traveling with are going to get what they deserve,” She turned and gave you a sad smile that threw you off. “I’m sure it hurts watching them flirt with any girl that comes by but never give you a second glance. May I ask you how many times they’ve chased people off from you and never let you make your own decisions?” and with that she walked off and left you alone with your thoughts.

It baffled you how she was able to tell that from the little interaction you had with her. It scared you and made you question how you actually felt about the situation. You shook your head at the thought, that was what she wanted, people were still dying and you had to put an end to it so you continued to pull at the ropes not knowing how much time had passed before she was back with a bottle of water and what looked like your phone. She offered you the water before putting the phone in your hand.

“Call them.” She instructed and you followed along. The line rang twice before Sam picked up.

“ _(Y/n), where are you? Me and Dean are out looking for you and-_ “ She snached the phone from your hand.

“She’s with me making a new friend,” She cut off Sam and you silence on the other end. “Oh come on now, you should at least say hi to her and not ignore the poor girl.”

“ _Where is she?_ ” you heard Sam growl on the other end and you could tell he was pissed, but that only made the witch laugh.

“Don’t worry about that, she’s fine for now,” she glanced at you before continuing. “But I could always change that if you’d like.”

“ _Lay a hand on her and we’ll kill you._ ” Sam all but yelled through the phone but it only made her laugh more.

“We’ll see about that, come to the old warehouse just outside of town,” She hung up just as Sam started to yell again and she sighed looking at you. “Poor thing, they think they own you don’t they,” she ruffled your hair and you pulled back. “Don’t worry, they won’t be acting like that for much longer and you can go out and find someone who actually cares about you.”

“They care about me.” You argued and she laughed.

“But not in the way you want them too, am I right?” she laughed again as you looked away. “Let me guess they keep such a watch on you that you haven’t even gotten to sleep with anyone have you?” A blush spread on your face and she turned your face to her again. “They won’t let you go and be your own woman but neglect to notice how that leaves you feeling. Oh sweetie they don’t care about you, they just want you with them because it’s convenient.” She let your face go and you turned away from her as she walked away again.

You knew she was toying with you but the words still hurt because they felt true, and that made you worry for them. It was clear what she was going to do to them and you didn’t want that to happen to them, you couldn’t. Sure they didn’t look at you the way you wanted but that didn’t mean you wanted them to die. You spent so much time on the thoughts you barely noticed the sound of a door squeaking open from behind you followed by rushed footsteps. You turned your head to see both Sam and Dean and a smile spread over your face as they rushed to untie you. 

“Took you guys long enough to get here.” You joked as Sam helped you to your feet while Dean undid the ropes on your ankles.

“Very funny,” Sam joked back, subtly checking you for injuries before looking around. “Any idea on what we are dealing with?”

“Witch, just like you thought,” you started but paused as you saw her come back through the doors, a grin on her face and hands raised as she prepared the spell. “Watch out!” you yelled and without noticing pushed them both out of the way, clearly taking them both of guard as they hit the floor eyes wide. You had a moment of relief before you felt the energy hit your chest and made you fly backwards. It seemed to happen in slow motion and your heard both brothers yell as well as the witch.

Sam called out your name, scrambling to get to his feet and over to you while Dean shot the witch, a kill shot right between the eyes, and you felt your body tingling. Your head hurt from the impact with the ground and you whimpered as Sam moved you onto his lap to look you over. There was a faint buzzing in your head and ears that slowly went away and you could hear both of the brothers panicking as they tried to get you to respond while checking your vitals.

“I’m not dead yet.” You groaned out looking at them both before wincing.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Dean all but yelled but Sam cut you off before you could respond.

“She wasn’t,” he scolded before sitting you up causing you to groan and set your hand on your temple as it pounded more. “I think you might have a concussion,” he moved your head slightly, pulling it away when you groaned and found some blood on his hand and turned to Dean. “Let’s get her out of here and look her over at the hotel.” Dean nodded as Sam picked you up.

“I can walk, you know.” He chuckled at the statement but you made no move to get out of his grasp.

“I know, but that doesn’t mean you should right now.” You rested your head on his shoulder and closed your eyes, the buzzing in your head turning to words in your head.

‘ _You have three months to lose your virginity or the spell will put you in a coma,_ ’ the voice was that of the witch and I was getting clearer as it continued, ‘ _it was not designed for a virgin but for instead those who weren’t committed to a person. I never wanted death for someone who wasn’t a target of the spell but it is a side effect that cannot be reversed. Lose your virginity before times up or you will die in a coma._ ’ The voice faded away as you lost conciseness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and let me know what you guys think! I'm going to try uploading twice a week as long as I can but i do have other stories in the works as well, let me know if you would prefer reader inserts or stories with OC characters.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains some smut, be kind this was my first time writing about it. let me know if there is anything I should change.  
> Enjoy reading!

You hadn’t doubted the voice in your head for a moment. You knew it to be the witch and you could tell there was sincerity in her voice when you heard it saying she didn’t want it to affect you, it had been echoed in her cry when you took the hit of the blast. Sam and Dean had looked you over when you got back to the hotel and had found nothing on you to cause them to worry about your safety, that part was all in your own thoughts, but you couldn’t bring yourself to tell them it wasn’t true. They asked about what she had told you and you told them about what she had said to you in the warehouse. You were afraid of their reactions if you did tell them and that was how you settled into a relative peace with the brothers. At one point you wanted to tell Sam about what had actually happened when you were hit with the spell but soon after your mind was made up Sam had left, and taken your will to live with him even if he didn’t realise it. It was this time you spent trying to live as best as you could and be there for Dean while you were still around. You texted Sam regularly but never received a response from him, but that never stopped you from keeping him updated with what was happening and you held on to the hope that one day he would respond to you.

That was how you ended up here, curled into Dean’s arms and crying, no matter how much you had told yourself you were fine with dying you were now faced with how untrue that was. You were terrified and didn’t want to leave them behind, regardless of it was selfish of you or not. Dean did what he could to try and calm you down, he was more than scared for you and the way you had been speaking and bringing up the witch. You calmed a little as Dean continued to hold you close and figure out what was going on before he spoke again.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” He asked quietly.

“I- I didn’t want to be a burden to you,” You spoke truthfully and felt him tighten his grip on you once again. “I was going to figure it out by myself.” you trailed off clutching on to him more.

“You will never be a burden,” he whispered into your hair before pulling away to look into your eyes. “What was the spell supposed to do?” the question made you shy away and avert your gaze.

“It was meant for you guys,” You spoke in a slow breath wiping your eyes as you did. “Anyone who she hit with it would die after they,” you let out a shuddery breath and heat filled your cheeks. “After they had sex,” he gave you a questioning look and you looked down at your lap. “But it was meant for men who slept around not,” You shook your head and let out a shaky breath before looking him in the eyes as tears fell down your face. “It wasn’t meant for virgins,” Dean glanced away briefly and you curled into his chest again. “I’m sorry I-I was just so nervous and scared. I didn’t know how I was- how I could tell you guys.” You felt his arms wrapped around you again.

“Sweetheart,” he whispered and rested his head on your own. “You should never be afraid to tell us anything.” You smiled bitterly at the words.

“I was going to- I was going to talk to Sam but,” you let out a shaky breath. “But he left and, I couldn’t let that burden fall on you. I was fine with dying, but when you left tonight, it scared me De. It scared me so much and I don’t want to die alone.” You felt the tears on your head and held on to him tighter as more of your own fell.

“You- you won’t be alone. I’ll, I’ll stay with you. I’ll be here with you till the end sweetheart, if that s what you want,” His voice was shook as he spoke and you pulled away to look at him. His eyes were red and watery as were yours, and he looked wrecked. “I’ll stay with you.” He whispered again and you shook your head, causing his eyes to widen.

“I- I don’t want to die Dean. There-there is a way for me to live,” you trailed off and he sat up bringing a hand to your face and you smiled bitterly. “I- I just have to lose my virginity.” His brows drew together before he spoke.

“(Y/n), I- I can’t take advantage of you like that.” You shook your head and leaned into him again.

“Please Dean, I- I trust you. Please. I- I don’t want to die.” You whispered and felt him tense under your hands.

“(Y/n),” He trailed off, bringing his arms around you before he pulled away looking at you with an intense gaze. “Are you sure this is what you want?” he asked and you nodded.

“I’m sure Dean, I trust you to take care of me.” That was all it took as he smashed his lips to yours and held your face in his hands before he pulled away enough to speak.

“If at any point, and I do mean it,” he whispered out in a desperate voice. “If you change your mind I will stop.” You nodded before his lips were on yours once again in a heated kiss that left you gasping for air when he pulled away to move you onto the bed.

His lips barely left yours as he worked to get you out of your shirt before his mouth claimed yours again and demanded entrance, which you gladly let him in. You put up a candid fight before you submitted and let him have his way with you, felling him smiling into the kiss as he did.

He pulled away again and you moaned at the loss while he left a trail of kisses down your neck and you felt a heat begin to grow between your legs as he reached your bra clad breast. You moaned as he slipped his tongue under the garment to seek out your nipple and bring it to a peak while he undid the clasp on your brand slid it away from you as you arched into his touch, moaning as you did. His other hand came to knead at the neglected mound as he ran his teeth over the pebbled flesh, rolling its match briefly between his fingers as you ran your fingers through his hair. You cried out his name when he bit down before kissing his way to the valley of your breasts to give its twin the same treatment.

You were breathless and had your head thrown back into the pillows as he moved to position himself between your legs and rut against you lightly, pressing himself into your heat and you moaned again. He dragged himself back up your body, kissing you again as one hand slipped down your body and started to unbutton your jeans and slide them down to your thighs before he palmed your sex through your panties. You broke the kiss groaning and grinding into his hand as you held him close, burying your face into his neck and your tears started to dry.

Dean broke away from your grasp sitting back and pulling his shirt off and you kicked your jeans before he dove back down to you, gripping your hips and grinding into you with a new ferocity. You returned the gesture, finding his mouth with yours while your hands worked to take off his belt and undo his jeans before his hands found yours and stopped them before you could pull them down his waist. 

“Wait,” He started chuckling deeply when you groaned in protest. “Slow down, let me take care of you.” You nodded as he found your mouth again, slowing the kiss and savouring the moment.

Your hands wound their way into his hair again and you pulled lightly at the strands as he groaned and ground himself into you again before a hand found its way into your underwear and sought out your clit. You gasped as he wound tight circles around the nub and bucked your hips into his hand, the motion causing more pleasure to stem through your body and you let out a moan.

“You’re so wet for me sweetheart,” he groaned into your ear and a shiver ran down your spine in anticipation, never had you felt this way before not even from your own hand as you moaned for the man again. “Can’t wait to feel myself here,” you gasped as he slipped a finger into your tight hole and he groaned. “You’re so tight sweetheart, I’ll need to loosen you up a bit before we go further.” He sat back watching your face as he slipped another finger inside and gently rocked them in to you.

You couldn’t hold back the cry that left your lips at the motion and closed your eyes tightly as he worked you open, the knot in the pit of your stomach becoming tighter as he did. “D-Dean,” you cried out as he curled his fingers on the thrust in. “Please Dean, I, _Ah_ , I need. I need you inside me.” He groaned in response as your walls tightened around the digits and slowed his pace before pulling them out and you whimpered at the loss.

“Shh,” He spoke, finding your mouth again before pulling back and sliding off the bed dropping his remaining clothing before he was back on you again. You let him direct the kiss as he slid your panties down your legs and you kicked them off, blushing into the kiss as you were no completely exposed to the man on top of you. It made you shy away briefly before Dean pulled back and looked into your eyes. “Is everything alright?” he asked and you could see the sincerity in his face as he searched your own for any hesitation.

“Y-Yeah,” you stuttered slightly as you avoided his intense gaze. “Just a little nervous.” You admitted feeling him give a light chuckle before he kissed the corner of your mouth in a relatively chaste gesture considering the position the two of you were in.

“Don’t worry, we will take it at the pace you need. I want this to be good for you.” You kissed him again and ground yourself into his naked length as you both moaned into the opened mouth kiss.

“Please Dean,” you gasped grinding into him again as you felt the ache in your sex once again returning. “I need-“ He cut you off drowning your cry in his mouth and ground down harder into you.

One of his hands disappeared from your hip as you felt him position his blunt tip at your entrance and slip the head in causing you both to groan at the sensation. “Let-let me know if it’s too much.” He huffed as you nodded burying your face in his neck as he slid in slowly, inch by careful inch until he was fully sheathed inside of you. You moaned as he stayed still, feeling a slight ache from the stretch around his length as you both sat there panting. You moaned as your walls fluttered around his length, causing you to involuntary buck into him, and Dean let out a low growl at the movement before pinning you down to the bed with his hips.

You let out a strangled cry as he pulled back and thrusted into you, the movement almost becoming too much as the coil in your belly tightened even more as he thrusted lazily into you. “Fa-faster,” you choked out, tears leaking from your eyes at the immense pleasure you were feeling, and without missing a beat Dean sped up thrusting into you at a pace that had you throwing your head back in a silent scream. “De,” you closed your eyes as he found your lips and brought them into a sloppy kiss as he groaned into your mouth. “I- I’m _close_.” You whispered breathlessly as your walls fluttered around him once again.

“I- _mmm_ \- I know sweetheart,” he groaned sucking a mark onto your neck as his pace started to falter. “Me too.” He moaned deeply and moved his hand to your thigh, throwing it over his shoulder while the other sought out your clit once again and rubbed tight circles over the bundle of nerves.

The motion combined with the new angle sent you toping over the edge and calling out his name as your body rocked into his, your fluttering walls milking his length and triggering his own orgasm as he spilled himself into you with one final thrust. He grunted out your name before finding your mouth and kissing you roughly as he lightly rocked into you before pulling out and flipping you onto his chest as he rolled onto his back and brought the sheet up over you, never breaking the kiss as he did. 

You sighed into his lips as you pulled away to look at the tired smile that had now adorned his face. “That was…” you trailed off.

“ _Amazing_?” he offered chuckling as a blush crept onto your cheeks again and you nodded. “Well I couldn’t agree with you more, sweetheart.” He stared lovingly at you as he brushed a strand of hair away from you face and behind your ear before dragging you into another slow kiss that had you both moaning and you lightly ground into his thigh.

“Thank you, Dean.” you whispered into his lips and gazed into his eyes. 

“There’s no need to thank me sweetheart,” he brought his hand up to cup the side of your face, which you nuzzled into. “I’ve honestly wanted to do that for years.” He gave you a crooked smile as you closed your eyes and leaned into him more.

“You of course tell me that now instead of before, when it wasn’t a life or death situation for me.” You shook your head moving to sit up, bringing the thin sheet with you to cover your chest as he sat up as well. You looked away before he hooked a finger under your chin and turned you back to look at him.

“I- this is a shitty excuse, but I didn’t want to ruin what we had for some crush on my account,” he cupped your face again and leaned brushing his lips over yours as he spoke. “You mean too much to me for me to go and ruin it by caring for you in a way that you might not have cared for me,” he kissed you briefly before pulling away and resting his forehead against yours. “(Y/n), I understand if you want this to be a onetime thing but, but I wouldn’t mind if you want it to be more than that.” His eyes bore into yours and you felt your tears coming back again as you nodded and kissed him again.

“I’d want nothing more.” You whispered as you moved to startle him as you continued to kiss him, both of you smiling into it as you settled down in his lap for what you knew was going to be a long night.

* * *

You were woken from your slumber by light dancing across your eye lids, making you roll over and snuggle into Dean’s chest as he groaned lightly at the movement, and he opened his eyes. Smiling you pecked his lips, pulling away before he had the opportunity to return the gesture and curled into him more before his hand found your cheek and directed your mouth back to his waiting lips for a slow sweet kiss.

“Good morning.” You whispered into his lips with a smile as you looked into his eyes, watching the light dance in his green gaze as well as his emotions as a lopsided smile spread over his face before he kissed you again.

“Good morning,” He pulled away, keeping his hand on your cheek while rubbing his thumb over it. “I could get used to waking up like this.” He commented and you rolled your eyes.

“You have before Dean, we’ve shared beds on many occasions before.” 

“Yeah we have, but never like this,” he chuckled while you averted your eyes from his, a blush spreading over your cheeks. “You don’t know how many times I wished for this, hell it was what the djinn had me seeing,” He ducked down and kissed you again. “For all I know that’s what’s happening again.” He lips brushed against yours as he spoke and you shook your head.

“Not a dream De.” You smiled before stretching and sitting up, Deans shirt he had given you at some point in the night hanging off on one shoulder as you did.

“I can’t say either way,” he chuckled sitting up himself and ruffling your fairly extreme bed head as he did. “How you feeling?” he asked concern in his tone and you smiled.

“A little sore, but other than that alive.” He let out a breath before gathering you in his arms, causing you to let out a little squeak as he did.

“Don’t ever pull something like that again,” he stressed before pulling away to look into your eyes. “If you get hit with something you tell me ok? I don’t care what it is just tell me, what happens after that is up to you but,” he trailed off closing his eyes and letting out a long breath. “At least let me know so I will know how much time I got left with you.” His eyes searched yours and you nodded, suddenly feeling very guilty about how this morning could have gone for him.

“I will, I promise you.” You punctuated the sentence with a kiss on the lips, before you pulled away and got off the bed to go to the bathroom. Muscles aching and legs a little wobbly as you did. Dean chuckled at you, watching as you made your way to the bathroom. 

You relieved yourself and tried to tame your hair a bit as you looked in the mirror, quickly giving up on the endeavor before directing your attention to the marks adorning your neck, you knew there were more littered across your body as Dean had been very thorough making sure he reached every part of you his care. Your blush was back as you recalled the events of last night and your legs shook a little more and a numb feeling crept over them as you opened the door to the bathroom seeing Dean now dressed pulling a shirt over his head before he turned to you grinning. The look quickly shifted as he saw the look of concern on your face as you clutched the doorknob.

“Dean, I think somethings wrong. My legs don’t,” you started, letting go of the door to walk over to him only to fall forward with a little yelp as you did. Luckily Dean reacted, quickly catching you as you fell and trying to help you stand back up only to collapse again before moving to the bed. “De, I- I can’t feel my legs!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

Sam pov 

I had received a message from (Y/n) that morning but I hadn’t bothered to check it, she sent me a few a day and I would try to read them when I could. They usually just told me what her and Dean were up to and what kind of case they were on, sometimes it was just a message to ask me how I was doing.

I never responded.

But even if I didn’t respond she still sent me texts, it made me smile but also made me sad. I had said horrible things to her and said things I knew were not true, but I couldn’t go back to them.

Not yet.

Dean would be pissed if I even showed my face to either of them for what I said to her. I regretted it the moment it came out of my mouth but I couldn’t take it back. I was angry and lashed out on the people who always had my back, the only people I could call family, and time and time again I keep hurting them.

It hurt watching them become so close after I had left for Stanford and I have been jealous of that fact every time they interact. It’s no secret between me and Dean that we both care for her and both want her to be more in our lives than just a close friend, I almost got the courage to ask her out before I left for school, but both of us had been afraid of what rejection would cause for us. I had been the person she trusted most aside from Bobby, but when I had come back because of the yellow eyed demon it had all changed. Dean had been there for her when I left without a word, and he helped her when I never called or talked to her. So after we killed war, having to watch everyone fight each other and cause all that chaos that was going to be happening more because of me I had to leave. Dean barely fought for me to stay but (Y/n) wouldn’t back down without a fight, she never did and that always had us worrying about her. So I started Speaking without thinking, I said things I knew were untrue and would hurt her to let me leave, but as it got more heated I said the one thing I had thought so long ago. 

_Why was she alive and Jess killed?_ It was a question I didn’t understand the answer too because of the way Azazel had threatened her after we found the colt. He had threatened to take away the thing we cared about most. _Her_. The only problem was when I got to talk to him later on, and ask why he killed Jessica, he smiled and said he had to kill someone I cared for to motivate me back into hunting but he couldn’t get rid of someone I cared for more than my own life.

I had known what he meant but I never wanted to except it. Even though I had been with Jess I had cared more for (Y/n) and that had shook me to the core, especially when her and Dean were closer than I had been with her. 

So I said it out loud, angry at myself and angry with Dean for being there for her when I couldn’t. And I felt the regret instantly.

I wanted to go back to them the day after I left, say I was wrong and I never meant a word of what I said, but I couldn’t do that. If I went back Dean would be mad, but (Y/n) would welcome me back in a heartbeat and not act like what I did and said was wrong, and she would make Dean forgive me as well. 

Both of us would do anything for her if she asked. Neither of us could tell her no.

They both cared so much for the people around them and would do everything they could to protect those people while I couldn’t do anything to save the ones I wanted. Jess was killed because she was close to me, Dean was killed before me hundreds of times with the Trickster, and (Y/n) was targeted because of both of us.

So I stayed away and just read her texts without replying. I was punishing myself because I knew she wouldn’t have the heart to do it herself, but in a way I was punishing her more by not replying. I was trying to do what I could and figure out my own thoughts and how I was going to make it up to her, make it up to them.

So I had ignored the message, I never deleted them but I didn’t want to look at it yet, so I went into work. I had a fake name and a job to get me by and distract me. Live the life I thought I never could, but as usual the job found me.

It was late when I got back to my room at the motel and I finally looked at the message, having to scroll to the top due to its length. Wondering what could be the case of it as I started to read. 

* * *

_Hey Sam. I don’t really know how I’m supposed to say something like this without it sounding too bad and making it worse for you then it might already be .No matter how we left things off I still care for you, more than you would probably know and I know you well enough to know that what you said before you left wasn’t how you truly felt so don’t blame yourself._

_Now’s the part that is harder to figure out. Remember the hunt we went on a few months back with the witch? Well I lied when I said I was fine, and yes I know I should have told you guys about it but I never wanted to bother you and it was something I had to figure out on my own. But if you are getting this message then I wasn’t able to figure it out._

_The witch cursed me and before you try and say anything I would have jumped in front of you guys again if it means you would live. I had Three months to live and that was what I did, besides the world needs you more than it does a little orphaned girl. You guys are hero’s and you need to stop Lucifer._

_So I know you are going to be mad and try to bring me back but I don’t want it. It was hard enough watching Dean trade his life for yours and you do the same thing, I couldn’t bear for you to trade your life for mine. Hypocritical of me I know but I still can’t stand the idea of it. Let me rest in peace and watch over you from heaven, I know that’s where I’ll be because Dean won’t let Castiel leave me anywhere else._

_Just beat all this and beat Lucifer, that’s all I ask. So quit fighting with Dean and talk to him, you two are going to need each other more now than before. Watch after Bobby for me as well, I know he will be blaming himself for keeping me around and not taking me to an orphanage or something._

_I’m sorry this is the way it has to end but don’t worry, I’ll be ok as long as you guys keep fighting and saving people. If you do that then me dying isn’t so bad and it will mean more than just saving two people I care about. I will always care about you and want the best for you Sam. I’m sorry this is how I had to go but don’t be upset, it’s what I wanted._

_Bobby and Dean also have messages from me letting them know of my decision, I couldn’t not tell you why I was gone._

_Goodbye Sam, I will always cherish the memories we had together and I want to thank you for being there for me when I needed it._

_Love (Y/n)_

* * *

_  
_

The text ended and I felt myself start to freak out as I immediately called her cell and it went straight to voicemail. I felt tears streaming down my face as I called Dean next with no response and I checked the timestamp on the message seeing it had been sent at nine am and it was now eleven fifty-three pm. 

I got everything I had and threw it into my duffel, calling the last person I could as I ran to my car and started to speed towards Sioux Falls as I ignored the speed signs. The call ended but I couldn’t be bothered to leave a message and focus on driving as I tried to process everything I had just read.

She couldn’t be gone, not after the way I had treated her, not when I had to make it all up to her. But I had to know and with her phone going to voicemail and Dean and Bobby not answering my call made me more scared of what had happened to her.

I knew I should slow down but I couldn’t bring myself too, I had to get there. I had to talk to someone. All my muscles were clenched as I did everything I could to get to Bobby’s. It was a four hour drive and there was no way I was going to stop until I pulled into that yard, and that was when my phone rang, lighting up with Bobby’s Id.

“Hello?! Bobby, what’s happening?!?” I all but screamed at the mad as I felt my chest heaving.

_“Honestly son, I don’t know. But I’m surprised you are calling this god damn late about it.”_ The old man grumbled and I clenched my jaw, mad at myself and him for the comment.

“I just saw the message.” I ground out and Bobby let out a disinterested huff.

_“Don’t be getting snippy with me boy, all I know is Dean’s coming here. Should actually be here soon I believe_.” I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding.

“I’m on my way. I- I’ll be there in a few hours.” I hung up, feeling guilty as I did. It looked bad the fact I had just seen the message.

Bobby was going to chew me out when I got there and I wouldn’t fight him on it.

I ignored (Y/n) since I left and who knows how she was feeling knowing what she did. She knew she was going to die when I left and said all those horrible things to her, and I ignored her and read her last message to me who knows how long after she…. after she was gone. I couldn’t even read it after I got it and I couldn’t help but wonder if I was able to do anything to save her.

These thoughts stayed with me, circling in my head and before I knew it I was pulling up to Bobby’s and saw the Impala already in the drive way. I parked the car, turning it on and running into the house finding it quiet as I walked into the small study and stopped in my tracks.

She was there laid on her back on the couch, one arm draped over her stomach and the other hung off the couch. I swallowed feeling my emotions coming roaring back with regret and remorse as I approached slowly. She was dressed in a white dress I recognized, Dean and I had got it for her as a birthday gift a few years back, and her eyes were closed giving off the illusion she was sleeping as her hair was let down around her. 

I kneeled carefully beside the couch my eyes dancing across her body while the tears fell freely now. She looked peaceful even with the marks on her neck and reached out and brought her into my arms, cradling her in them as she fell into them limply and I buried my face into her neck whispering my sorrows as I heard the back door open. I turned seeing Dean standing there with a look on his face I couldn’t read before I felt movement from within my arms and I heard light moan of my brother’s name.

“Dean.” At the noise he moved across the floor taking her from my arms as I stared in shock, unable to resist as he pulled her into him. He had a soft look on his face as he spoke to her, telling her to go back to sleep as he took her upstairs presumably to the bedroom. I couldn’t say anything as I watched him walk away, I couldn’t even move from my spot on the floor. She was alive and that was more than I could have asked for.

Bobby came into the room shortly after and I could see the look of understanding on his face as he spoke. “She apparently has been sleeping on and off the whole day, said she was never really awake enough to remember it before she was out again, he says he doesn’t know why exactly but hasn’t gone into too much detail about it with me. Says he wants her to be able to explain it herself if she wants too,” He explained briefly as I stood up. “Scared me half to death when I saw him walking up to the house with her in his arms, she hasn’t been awake for me to talk to her but I at least know she is alive,” he readjusted his hat. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to see her like that again.” I could hear the emotion in his voice as he spoke and how much that had scared him. No matter if she was blood or not (Y/n) was his daughter and I couldn’t blame him for the reaction.

“I can understand it, I didn’t even think to check if she was alive when I saw her,” I closed my eyes letting out a shaky breath. “She looked… I’m just glad she’s alive.”

“Yeah but no thanks to you,” I whipped my head to see Dean at the bottom of the stairs arms crossed and a hard glare on his face. “It’s partially your fault she’s in this mess to begin with,” he grumbled before rubbing his hand over his face and he looked at Bobby, cutting me off before I could speak. “As I was saying before, we don’t know what’s going on. She has no clue and neither do I. Now I’m going to go to bed, we can deal with it when everyone’s not dead ass tired.” He turned and went back up the stairs and I stood there watching once again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to you and Dean in the hotel.

You sat there on the bed staring at your legs as Dean paced at the foot of the bed. It bothered him more than it did you, but it still raised a lot of concern. The curse should have been broken by what you guys had done the previous night and you didn’t understand why your legs had become dead. You couldn’t feel them or anything done to them and neither of you knew what to do. Finally Dean stopped and came back to sit beside you, pulling you onto his lap as he held you close before he spoke.

“We should go to Bobby, he might know what happened,” he whispered and you nodded turning to look him in the eyes as he continued. “I’m sorry I-“

“Don’t Dean,” you started placing your hand on his cheek and he closed his eyes leaning into the touch. “We will figure this out, besides I’m not in a coma dying. We will figure this out,” he opened his eyes and nodded, you could see that you had eased some of his worry so you smiled. “We should go back to Bobby, but I’m going to need some help getting dressed if you are up for it.” You spoke playfully and a smile crept on his face as he moved you and stood up walking over to your duffle looking at clothes before he paused and slowly pulled out the dress him and Sam had gotten for you.

“You still have this?” he turned to you a look of awe on his face and you nodded shyly a blush spreading over your face as you did. He grinned as he walked over with it and some of your underwear before setting the articles down and kissing you. His hands slid under your shirt as he pulled away as he pulled it over your head, stopping your hands as they went to cover yourself. “Don’t,” he whispered as his eyes raked over your exposed flesh, admiring the marks he left the previous night before his eyes found yours. “You don’t have to hide from me,” he let your hands go before he grabbed your bra and helped you get it on and then your underwear. He slid the dress over your head and you looked away, bushing, as he looked you over and chuckled. “You are still bashful after everything we’ve done huh?” 

“Hey,” you swatted his chest and he let out a full blown laugh at the action. “May I remind you I’ve barely even been on a date let alone have someone treat me like this.” You turned your head squeaking as he pulled you onto his lap and gave you a little peck on the cheek.

“I know, couldn’t stand it when you were, I wanted to kill that guy in the dinner when you were in school,” he chuckled lightly and you leaned into his touch. “Never liked it when you were with anyone besides me or Sam.,” he trailed off before moving you off his lap again. “We should get going, it’s going to be a long drive and the sooner we get there the sooner we can find out what’s happening.”

You nodded watching as he collected everything in the room and going over it again making sure he didn’t miss any of your stuff before taking the duffle bags out to the car and returning to gather you in his arms. You held onto him tightly, causing him to chuckle as he walked to the car and placed you in the passenger seat. It was different but you had to admit you kind of liked the treatment he was giving you. He pulled out of the parking lot and made his way to the highway to head back to Bobby’s. It was silent for the most part before Deans cell began to ring and he picked it up.

“Hello?” He answered before pulling the phone away from his ear and you could hear the voice on the other end yelling. “Bobby, Bobby, calm down I-I can’t make out what you are saying if you keep yelling.” Dean spoke and your faced paled as you realized the reason for the call quickly grabbing the phone and putting it to your ear.

“- _ere the hell is she Dean? Let me_ -“

“Bobby.” you spoke in a quiet voice cutting off his questioning as he paused before he started yelling again.

“ _What the hell kind of sick joke are you trying to pull (Y/n)?_ ” He questioned before you sobbed.

“I- it wasn’t a joke, it was all true.” You heard him let out a shakey breath.

“ _And you thought a email was the way to let me know about it?_ ” You could hear the desperation in his voice as he spoke. “ _(Y/n) where are you kid?_ ”

“On our way to you,” you smiled through tears and Dean glanced at you from the side of his eye. “Dad,” you heard him take another breath, knowing the effect the name had on the old man. “We are coming home.” You spoke before Dean grabbed the phone back from you and started to talk to Bobby.

“We need to figure something out, (Y/n) is fine but things didn’t turn out as expected. I’m pushing baby to her limits so we can get back to you and figure this out,” he paused nodding his head before he spoke again. “Yep, I know. Trust me Bobby I’m not going to let anything happen to her,” They said there goodbyes before dean hung up, throwing the phone on the seat before he glanced at you again. “What the hell was that about?”

“I-I made an email to send to him this morning. Put it on a timer so he would get it and know what happened,” you trailed off. “I had to explain what happened to me, what I was planning on having happen at least.” You were almost whispering at the end of the sentence and you could see Dean’s knuckles turning white from his grip on the steering wheel.

“I can’t say I don’t understand where you were coming from, but I can say that you should have broke it to him in a different way,” He sighed and glanced over to you. “Just don’t do something like that again.”

“I know,” you nodded smiling. “I already made a promise to you about that, and I do intend on keeping it. For you at least.” He chuckled as he turned back to the road taking your hand in his much larger one as he did.

“Good, the only thing now is what the hell are we going to tell Bobby when we get there, because I really don’t feel like getting shot. I know he won’t miss.” You laughed.

“We will figure it out,” you spoke undoing the seat belt and pulling yourself over into the middle seat, doing up the lap belt and curling into Dean’s side as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders. “Besides I’m not going to let anything happen to you, we both know he has a soft spot for me and you. We just have to use it to our advantage.” He shock his head letting out a chuckle again.

“Yeah, but you’re his daughter and I’m the guy who took your virginity.”

“But you’re also the guy who saved my life.”

“Trust me, not the way he’s going to see it Sweetheart,” he laughed. “If I heard that’s what happened sure as hell I’d be tracking that guy down and putting a bullet in between his eyes. That’s what I would do, and Bobby’s your Dad, even if you’re not blood you are still his daughter.”

“Well I won’t let him hurt you,” you yawned leaning into him and he squeezed your shoulder. “No matter what I still owe you for being there for me.”

“I will always be there.”

“I know,” you trailed off watching the road. “I’m kind of glad Sam wasn’t there,” Dean glanced at you and you closed your eyes knowing he wasn’t going to like your reasoning. “He- Sam wouldn’t have wanted to go out like you had, he would have stayed and I wouldn’t have been left alone,” you took his hand on your shoulder into your own, holding it as you continued. “I most likely wouldn’t have gotten scared and just… let it happen I guess,” you shook your head resting it on Deans shoulder and you sat there for a moment. “Who knows though, I mean I was going to tell him about it before he left,” you looked up at Dean as he gripped your hand a little harder. “I was going to tell you as well,” he relaxed a bit and looked down at you briefly before turning his eyes back to the road. “But after what he said I- I just was scared of how you’d react. I had it in my head that you were going to say the same things he did and I-“

“You know I would never do that (Y/N).” He cut you off and you leaned up giving him a peck on the cheek at the sad tone to his voice.

“I know De, but I just couldn’t shake it. It scared me more than dying. I didn’t want to lose you.” I t was silent besides the sounds from baby’s engine but eventually Dean spoke.

“I don’t know if I should be mad at Sam- even though I’m still pissed at him for what he said- or if I should be glad he was gone,” he trailed off before he pulled you into him more and kissed the top of your head in a sideways hug. “But you’re here so I can’t be too upset I guess,” You nodded not knowing how you yourself felt about it either and before long you yawned again and he chuckled. “Get some rest, we got a long drive ahead of us.” Nodding you rested your head in a more comfortable position on his shoulder before closing your eyes and drifting off.

* * *

You twitched lightly feeling the arms around you tighten and you smiled slightly. “Dean.” You moaned lightly, keeping your eyes closed as you did before hearing footsteps and you being taken from the arms you were in and you curled into them feeling the rumble in Dean’s chest as he spoke.

“Shhh, sweetheart. Just go back to sleep.” You smiled as he kissed the top of your head, feeling yourself swaying as he walked, gathering the fabric of his shirt lightly in your hand causing him to let out a light chuckle. You buried your face in his neck opening your eyes a bit as you pulled away enough to see him walking towards the familiar door to your room.

“You never said we were back home.” You whispered sleepily as he moved to put you in the bed.

“You hadn’t been awake yet,” he joked and you smiled still holding onto his shirt as he tried to pull away. “I’ll be back, just going to go downstairs for a moment and then I’ll be right back here.” You nodded, letting him slip from your grasp and watching as he disappeared through the door, closing your eyes and slipping into sleep once again.

* * *

You woke up slowly, feeling the weight of an arm over your middle as you gathered your surroundings before smiling and realising Dean had in fact returned like he promised last night. You tried to turn around and face him but found it much more difficult than normal, letting out a little yelp when he helped you turn to face him. His eyes were still closed but there was a smile on his lips. “What were you trying to do?” he asked and you laughed a little giving his nose a peck and he opened his eyes.

“I was trying to turn to face you,” he chuckled and you pouted slightly. “It was more difficult without having legs to use.” You whispered the last part and his eyes held some concern.

“Still can’t feel anything?” You shook your head and he pulled you into him, hugging you close. “We will figure it out, I promise.” You nodded before he let out a breath and moved to sit up, releasing you as he did.

“What has Bobby said?” you asked propping yourself up with your arms as tried to move to a sitting position, letting out a huff as Dean quickly moved to help you. 

“Nothing yet,” he paused after helping you get comfortable and sit on the bed himself. “But he doesn’t know the full details about what’s happening. We got in late and I talked with him a bit. I didn’t want to say anything without you awake to speak for yourself as well.” You nodded looking around the room before your eyes settled back on him.

“Ok,” you blushed as you felt your stomach rumble and Dean chuckled a bit. “Can we get some food?” he nodded pulling you towards him and kissing the top of your head.

“I’m sure we can get some food.” He scooped you into his arms holding you princess style as he made his way out the room and down the stairs towards the kitchen when he stopped and you both saw Sam sitting at the table.

He didn’t notice you at first and you were thankful for that. He looked like he hadn’t slept for the past few days and his hair was not in its usual pristine look and sticking around at weird angles. There were bags under his eyes and they looked red as if he had been crying and you remembered the message you had set up for him and you realised how he must have felt after reading it. He looked up eyes widening at seeing you as they focused on your own and he whispered your name and you felt Deans grip on you tighten as Sam moved to get up. He got out of the chair and walked towards you, a mixed look of relief and sadness on his face as he stopped in front of you and you felt Dean tense. 

You looked up at Dean to find his face set in a scowl as he glared at the younger man before walking around him and helping you into the seat at the table. Sam stood where he was, watching the situation before Dean kissed your head and said he was going to go find Bobby leaving you in the room with Sam as he left. It was silent as you both looked at one another not knowing what to say before he walked over and pulled you into his arms and off the chair as he sat on the floor. You let out a squeak at the motion and he held you tight for a while before he pulled back and held a hand to your cheek.

“I- I,” he choked out before he pulled you into him again. “I thought I lost you,” He whispered before pulling away once again. “I never- never- meant what I said (Y/n). I’m so sorry I-“

“I know.” You whispered back returning the hug.

“Doesn’t excuse what I did,” he gripped you tighter. “I’m just glad you’re ok.”

You pulled away and started to correct him before you saw Dean, looking at him and smiling before Sam turned to look at him as well. He let out a cough looking away before he got up and stepped away from you on the floor, giving you a questioning look as to why you stayed there before Dean pushed past him and picked you up.

“So you’re pulling her off of chairs now then huh?” Dean spoke coldly as he set you down on the chair once again, you rolled your eyes hitting him on the chest.

“Dean I haven’t exactly seen her in a while,” he trailed off seeming to start questioning his brother before he shook his head. “Besides I thought she was dead Dean.”

“So you pull her off a chair and leave her on the floor?!?” Dean ground moving to step towards his brother, but stopped when you took his hand in yours and whispered his name. He turned back to you and looking you in the eyes as you shook your head, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he let it out.

“What happened?” Sam questioned breaking the calm and you avoided his eyes as Dean turned back to him.

“That’s what I would like to know,” you turned smiling as you saw Bobby come into the room. “Hey kiddo, good to see you up,” he smiled before turning serious once again. “Now what the hell happened?”

“Well-“ you started nervously before Dean spoke up pulling a chair out and sitting beside you.

“She can’t walk. Can’t even feel her legs,” he looked over to you and you nodded before he continued, just looking at Bobby as he spoke. “We don’t know why it happened, we did what we had to and don’t know why it didn’t work.”

“Are you sure you did it properly?” Bobby asked and you had to look away before you blushed as Dean rolled his eyes and nodded.

“Yes I’m sure,” Dean stressed before shaking his head. “We don’t have any clue what’s happening,” Dean looked over to you and took your hand. “We may not know much but at least she’s alive.” You smiled back at him and gave his hand a squeeze before looking back at the other two men.

“We just don’t know why its happening. It doesn’t make sense if I’m being honest.” You spoke, looking more towards Bobby who let out a long sigh.

“Well, like Dean said at least your alive, but we need to know what you were cursed with before we can start to figure this out.” You looked away at the end of the sentence, heat creeping up your cheeks and you felt Dean squeeze your hand. You looked up at him and saw the silent question in his eyes, asking if you wanted him to speak for you and you nodded before he cleared his throat with a cough.

“It… the spell was meant for me and Sam,” Dean started out glancing at you as he spoke. “(Y/n) jumped in the way of it at took the hit herself. The spell changed because of it, so what would have killed us is what she needed to save herself,” Dean looked at you as he continued. “She didn’t want to bother us and was scared to ask for help to save herself,” his expression changed to one of rage as he turned to Sam, an edge coming to his voice as he did. “She was going to talk about it but before she worked up the courage somebody told her she was useless and a burden,” Sam looked away shame on his face and Dean looked back to Bobby, the edge in his voice disappearing. “Now remember Bobby, she… she asked me for help.”

“What are you talking about boy?” Bobby raised an eyebrow glancing between the two of you as Dean took in another breath.

“The spell was meant for someone who slept around, someone who had… experience. If the spell hit me or Sam the next hook up we would have had would have killed us. Someone who had no experience had to… have a hook up in order to not die.” Dean spoke slowly and carefully as they both tried to process the information before Sam took in a long breath.

“Are,” he started closing his eyes as his voice got lower before opening them with rage. “Are you saying you ‘hooked up’ to save her life?” Sam ground out and you flinched at the rage in his tone, even though it was directed at his brother.

“Yes.” At the word Sam stormed out, the door slamming as he left the house and Dean squeezed your hand again as Bobby spoke.

“So you’re saying you took advantage of my little girl?”

“NO!” You exclaimed before looking away from Bobby as his gaze turned to you. “He didn’t take advantage of me,” you turned to look at Dean as he stared at you with concern in his gaze. “As it was I had to almost beg him to help me. He- he didn’t want to take advantage of me and wanted me to be sure I was ok with it.” You spoke honestly and turned back to Bobby as he spoke next.

“And you are ok with it?” He asked and you nodded smiling slightly.

“Yes. More than I could have been.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a bit longer to get out! I'd like to make a shout out to MLKA727 for commenting and reminding me to work on getting this chapter released.


	6. sorry guys

So there wont be an update this week....

I was up for over 34 hours the other day with a close friend of mine in the hospital. She had appendicitis and had to go into surgery to get it removed.

She's ok now and is on the road to recovery but i wont be updating as regulary to help her out and get back on track.

Thank you guys so much for understanding and i hope to bring you more updates coming soon!


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, finally back and hopefully I'll be uploading on a somewhat regular basis again. Also going to be getting another story i have been working on out soon as well hopefully.
> 
> I just want to say thank you guys for being patient and waiting for this next chapter, recently a friend of mine was in a health scare after a particular rough beginning to the year and i had to take the time away from writing and other hobbies of mine to help her out and I want to say thank you to those of you who sent your wishes our way.
> 
> Now enough with this, lets get back to the story!

Dean pov

I had to look away as (Y/n) told Bobby her feelings on the matter, I felt myself swelling up with joy hearing her say she was happy with the way things had gone between us. I hadn’t known when it was exactly that I started to care for her as much as I did but it didn’t really matter, I would do whatever I could to help her and now she knew that for a fact.

We had only gotten closer after Sam had left for school. In many ways I had been jealous of their relationship before he left, they were closer in age and Sam seemed to know exactly how to make her happy, something I had over looked until he was no longer there. She had gotten depressed when he left without saying anything, not even to her, but I was there to pick up the pieces he broke from her and I would never want it any other way. In Sam’s absence we got closer and soon it was me instead that was bringing the joy back into her life, something I had longed for but never realised how much it meant to me, we were closer than ever.

I knew it had hurt (Y/n) when she found out about Jess, her only other close friend had hidden so much from her and hadn’t bothered to even let her know about what had happened in his life, but they got close again after he was back. I was glad it wasn’t as close I was with her but I couldn’t help but feel like he was taking her from me once again.

It angered me though every time he would abandon her, he left her so many times and she always accepted Sam back with open arms and never brought it back up again. I was happier though with the welcome I got after Cas dragged me out of hell, she didn’t let me go for hours, afraid if she did I would be gone once again.

What was worse was finding out how Sam had abandoned her for that demon bitch after I was dragged to hell. He should have been there for her but he had left her again. I had made Cas promise to look out for her if I ever went back, luckily for me he agreed without protest saying how (Y/n) was one of the few people he actually enjoyed being around. That was part of what scared me so much the other night.

It was hard to admit to even myself but I had been so scared when she had called me on the way to the bar, she had been terrified and that’s what had made it worse. I could fight anything and never feel scared but the moment something happened to her I would lose it. Losing her scared me just as much if not more than losing Sammy, even if I was beyond pissed at him. She was fierce and more than capable of taking care of herself, so if something scared her it always had me on edge.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget the state she was in when I got into the room, gun drawn to kill anything that would have hurt her, she had tears streaming down her face and so many emotions running through her eyes it was hard to believe it had been the same girl I had spent most of my days with. It had shocked me more when she was crying openly into my chest as well, she had never been quite this vulnerable around us before.

Finding out what had happened to her for our sake was hard and I wanted nothing more than to ease her from that pain, but I couldn’t force it on her and I had to be sure it was what _she_ wanted and not about how I felt. I had been so relieved when she wanted to live and I will never forget spending that night with her the way we did, after all I had wanted it for so long. I had always wanted her, even when I shouldn’t have, but I had at least one night.

She was beautiful and being so close to her and getting to be her first was more than I could have ever imagined. The dream I had with the djinn didn’t even match up to what reality was like, and to know she was going to be safe even added to the pleasure. I had never felt so satisfied and I didn’t think I ever would again if it was with anybody else but her.

When we woke the next morning I couldn’t have been happier in waking up to her face, but as always something had to happen, in a way I had to admit it was nice for her to need me more. I would still do whatever I could to help her get better, and I’ll do whatever I can to help her get better, so I would carry her and treat her like a princess. I was caught off guard when I found the dress Sam and I had gotten her, I always thought she had thrown it out since I never saw her wearing it, I didn’t look for anything else for her to wear and put it on her. I will never forget how beautiful she was in the simple white dress, I’m sure I will dream about her wearing it for me possibly one day.

Bobby was the one I was more worried about than anything, he may have been more like a Dad to Sam and I than anything but (Y/n) was more to him than us, and I for one understood that more than I would like to admit. Sammy would be mad at me but he deserved it, the things he said to her almost got her killed and I wouldn’t regret it, we both cared for her more than a friend but could never say it out loud. I had been jealous of their relationship for years, they had been closer before Sam left for school, but things were changing now. Sam had left her a few times now, once when he left for school, the second time was after I went to hell and now. The only difference was this time he had belittled her and pushed her away.

It had made my blood boil seeing him hold her close the night we got to Bobby’s but at the same time I had been worried for my little brother. At that moment he thought she was dead, and that the last things he said to her really was _the last things he ever said to her._ I only smiled though when I heard my name leave her lips and seeing the shock on his face as he realised she was not dead. He had hope in his eyes as well as joy, but it was taken away as I pulled her from his arms, I was slightly surprised he put no effort into fighting me, and whispered into her ears.

Seeing them on the floor earlier had given me mixed feelings, (Y/n) looked happy to see him but at the same time scared while Sam looked relieved to see her awake. I let my emotions at it show, especially when Sam left her on the floor, and I had helped her once again. 

It was easier than I had expected to tell them about what had happened and I was shocked at how Bobby himself had reacted. Sam on the other hand had been upset, and I couldn’t blame him. So I got up and went to find where Sam had gone, I didn’t know if it was to gloat or to yell at him about what had happened, but I needed to speak to him. (Y/n) would have wanted me to take to him any way so I used that ads a motivator as well. He was family after all. 

When I found him he was outside pacing in a circle, clearly upset and trying to figure out his emotions when I called out to him. Sam had stopped and turned towards me, clearly upset.

“What do you want Dean?” He asked in a sneer and I had to hold myself back from yelling, that’s not what (Y/n) would have wanted.

“I came here to see if you had any questions about what happened.” My tone had an edge to it that I could not get rid of and Sam rolled his eyes.

“Sorry I don’t want to hear about your _conquest_ of her Dean.” He moved to walk away and I snarled at the incantation, Sam knew damn well that’s not how I felt.

“You know that’s not what she is to me, or to you for that matter.” I ground out, we were going to fight and it was inevitable, might as well get it out now so we could figure out what is happening to the girl we both care about.

“Why should I care anymore, you had her so now you are just going to flaunt it,” his voice was raised and I could see the pain in his eyes as he spoke. “I thought she was dead, Dean, but in actuality she was in your bed and you were having the time of your life with her. Excuse me for not wanting to her about that.”

“You really think that’s what all this is about? That I Just wanted to bang her than leave her? Come on Sammy, that’s low and only something I’d expect from you,” I left the edge in my voice watching as he tensed his jaw and looked away, it only made me want to continue more. “Besides you are in no place to be making excuses like that especially since you are the one who keeps leaving her.”

“You take that back,” He whipped his head back around to me. “You-“

“You keep leaving her Sam, the only difference is that this time you pushed her away more and made her hurt,” He looked away again and I stepped closer raising my voice as I did. “You Said things to her that you regretted and because of that you weren’t there for her when she needed it, just like you weren’t there for her when I died.” It had been on my mind for a while but we had never spoken about.

“OK yeah so I wasn’t there for her, doesn’t mean you had to do what you did.” Sam yelled back and I closed my eyes.

“She would have died Sam, if I didn’t do anything she would have died.”

“So you forced yourself on her then.” Sam spoke darkly and my eyes snapped open as I yelled at him once again.

“Don’t even try to say that’s what I did. I was ready to sit there and hold her in my arms and just accept what was going to happen to her. _She_ was the one who started what happened between us and if you don’t believe me you can ask her. So don’t even try to suggest that’s what I did,” he looked away in shame and I continued. “Do you think I’d even be able to show my face around here if that’s what went down.”

“You’re right,” he all but whispered before looking back up at me. “But I should have been there for that Dean. I should have been there to help her just like you were there.”

“But you weren’t,” I watched as it broke him and I felt my sympathy come back for him. “Sam she… You weren’t there to see how scared she was, that itself all but broke me. But I have to blame you for most of it, no matter how much I don’t want to,” he looked at me raising his eyebrow as he did. “She told me how she was going to tell you about the curse, but then you left and said all those things to her. Sam, what you said to her was what almost killed her as much as that curse,” I closed my own eyes and felt a tear leak out at the thought. “She was _terrified_ to say anything because you made her feel useless and like she wasn’t worth saving. The only reason she didn’t try to seek out help from some other guy was because she was scared of what would have happened if she did.”

“What do you mean?”

“She was going to open up to you, she may have even asked you for help instead of me, but because of what you said when you left she was just going to let it kill her Sam.” I watched as he processed the information.

“She was going to talk with me about it?”

“Yes,” I calmed down a bit as I tried to remind myself in a way I should be thanking him as well. “But you weren’t there.”

“So it was your benefit then.”

“Sam you weren’t there to see her when she thought she was going to die, she was absolutely terrified and don’t tell me for a moment you wouldn’t have done anything to save her yourself.” I ground out and he looked away knowing he was beat in that argument.

“That doesn’t matter,” he let out a long shaky breath. “I should have been there Dean.”

“But you weren’t, Sam,” I snapped feeling the anger coming in a harsher wave. “No you left us, and to top it off you said she wasn’t worth it, that is what almost killed her. Did you know she was planning on talking to you, us, about it but you made her feel like a burden and she was afraid of me saying the same things to her,” I was almost yelling and I could see the regret on his face but I couldn’t stop. I was angry, mad, and scared at the fact I had almost lost her and I found someone I could take it out on and make him understand the situation. “She believed what you said enough that she thought it was better for her to not even try to save herself. She was going to die, and even though I want to be mad at you I can’t help but feel relieved you weren’t there because-“

“Because you wanted her all to yourself.” He cut me off and I snarled at him.

“No, because if someone was there with her that night she would have gone through with it and she wouldn’t be here right now.” I felt my chest rising and falling with rage on each breath as his brows came together in confusion.

“What do you mean?” he asked in a surprising childlike way despite the tones that had been in his voice previously.

“It means,” I started to ground out before taking a breath to calm myself a bit. “It means she had decided to just let it come to her. I had left her alone and that is what scared her more into telling me about it. She didn’t want to be alone when it happened. If you had been there she would have just accepted it and let it happen without being scared. I left her alone and I got a call from her,” I closed my eyes at the memory. “She was terrified of being alone, so I was there and ready to watch her die in my arms if that’s what she wanted me to do. Sam tell me you wouldn’t have done that for her as well.” I looked back to him to find his eyes casted away.

“I can’t say I could have watched her go through that.” He almost whispered.

“Look I know you care for her, we both have for a long time, but don’t take this out on her. You are to blame for this as I am, but don’t take it out on her. She was scared, through all of it Sammy, from the moment she was cursed she was afraid about what we would say so she kept quiet. Just be glad she was able to speak up about it and went to one of us for help rather than some random person at a bar because we both know she very easily could have done that instead.” It was hard to say but I knew we were both better for it, I couldn’t blame him for being upset with me, I knew I would be mad if roles had been reversed but he had to know what happened before he started to take it out on (Y/n).

“She… I… Dammit Dean you know I didn’t mean what I said to her.” I saw the pleading in this eyes and I had to look away.

“Doesn’t change how you made her feel,” I turned to go back inside before turning back to him. “But listen to what she has to say, work at finding out how to help her and do what you can. Show her you never believed what you said and make sure she knows it or you will regret it even more.” With that I went back into the house finding Bobby and (Y/n) trying to figure out what was happening before she turned and gave me a smile. One that never failed to make my heart skip a beat.

I sat back down in my spot before, moving closer to her than before as I went through all that had happened. Finally I had her in my arms and I never wanted to let that go and I didn’t plan to as long as she would let me.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you guys think, I love hearing feedback!


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